For instance, it just recently struck me that I'm a messy person. I've always regarded myself as a clean person, but I'm not, really. Ever since I was young, I've been leaving clothes all over the bedroom floor, dropping my belongings randomly throughout the house, detesting dishes and chores, etc. But for some reason, I've always held the notion that I'm neat (not neat as in awesome, although that's true too, but neat as in clean).
So, a lot of tension builds up inside when I see the state of my kitchen, bedroom, office, living room, bathroom.... Not only because the mess is gross, but also because the mess goes against my sense of identity. Let me explain this in math terms:
The belief "I'm a neat person." + The reality "I'm surrounded by clutter and grime." = The breakdown "My universes doesn't make sense anymore! There's uneasiness in my chest! Oh god!"
This same thing happens to me in terms of wealth.
I have this notion that I possess more wealth than I really do. Again, in math terms:
The belief "I'm a wealthy person with big desires." + The reality "I live in a crapass apartment, drive an old car, wear the same clothes, many of which are years old, cringe when spending more than $30 at Target, panic every month when my check is a couple days late." = The breakdown "Oh god! I'm seriously poor! I'm never gonna have the house that I want, the vacations I want, the experiences I want!"
So, as you can see, this non-acceptance of reality creates quite the inner turmoil.
But, GOOD NEWS! Now that I'm getting old, I'm waking up. Woo! I'm learning to accept that I'm messy. I'm learning to accept that I'm poor.
But you're like, "Shanna! Don't be all passively accepting things in your life. That's lame! That's what people who spend all their free time watching prime-time (and/or daytime) TV do! That's what people who never do anything great with their lives because they are too busy sitting on their Laz-E-Boys eating Cheez-Its and raw cookie dough while ignoring the fact their their terriers have been licking the same spot on their shins for 45 minutes do!" .
Well, let me assure you, I am NOT becoming passive. I can still strive to be neat and wealthy (the true American dream!), but the inner acceptance of my current state really helps my sense of peace now.
This acceptance is kind of a hard thing to wrap my head around because it feels deeper than words, but hopefully another math term will help.
The belief "Yeah, so I'm kinda poor right now. It's okay." + The reality "I don't have stuff as nice as that older rich lady, darnit." = The inner peace "You know what, she's at a different place in life than me. That's cool."
That's cool.
