The Cottonelle dog.
The mother fucking cuddly cutie Cottonelle dog.
Every time I see this dog on TV, no matter what I'm doing, I stop and watch him bound across the screen and do his toilet paper shenanigans. Something deep within me says, "Awwwwwww," and I dream for about 60 seconds about owning that dog and cuddling up with it and having it look me in the face with his sweet little puppy eyes.
So frickin adorable.
A couple thoughts arose, though, as I watched the most recent Cottonelle commercial.
1. I've been adoring this puppy for a long time, ever since I first saw him on TV. It hit me that the puppy I watched just yesterday can't possibly be the same puppy that I adored the first time I watched one of these commericials, right?
That puppy is probably now a dog, and I don't care for dogs unless they are really small and look like puppies.
This made me kind of sad.
2. It weirds me out that Cottonelle pretends like its the same puppy. I went to the Cottonelle website, and the puppy has his own little section of website. In the "ads" section, there is a quote from him saying, "Look, I'm famous!" and underneath three of his commercials are displayed. I think those are probably different dogs in those ads because don't dogs like him grow fast? Unless they shot all those commercials within a week or two, those are different dogs, yet, the website leads us to believe they are the same dog.
This toilet paper company acts like there is this ONE puppy out there in the world that has defied the laws of nature and lives in perpetual puppyhood.
THE Cottonelle Puppy.
But it's not THE Cottonelle Puppy, its a lot of different ones that they have to find every time they need to do a photo or commercial shoot.
Why can't there just be lots of Cottonelle puppies? It would be way more realistic.
3. I've always naturally assumed the Cottonelle puppy is a boy.
Maybe some have been boys, and some have been girls. Who knows? The Cottonelle Puppy persona, though, is definitely intended to be male.
4. At the end of the Cottonelle commercial I saw the other day, the pup was posed, sitting next to some rolls of toilet paper, adorably pimping a product you rub on your anus, and I realized that the dog was carefully POSED by ad execs so that his PAW would cover his PENIS.
I really wish I had a picture to illustrate this.
The paw looked like it was in an unnatural position. It looked awkward. That's why my attention was drawn to it.
Okay, this picture kind of demonstrates what I'm talking about:
I'm not saying we all need to see puppy peepee every time we watch TV, but it was just so sickeningly tasteful that it made me laugh to think that some prudish execs sat around discussing puppy privates.
I bet they wouldn't do that in Europe.
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