See, I've got a bit of a split personality - perhaps it's a Gemini thing - that causes me to feel pulled in opposite directions a lot of the time.
Personality A - Let's call her Daisy - knows for sure that she wants to write books and paint pictures and perform on stage. She doesn't give a crap if these things generate zero wealth. She wants to play and be happy and take the risk of pursuing such delightful artistic endeavors.
I love Daisy. I've been trying to follow her heart for about 10 years now. But I'm always several steps behind her, trying to grasp at her heels, begging her to just fill me with the confidence I need to do these things. But she's whimsical. Hard to grasp. Difficult to fully embody.
I think this is because aside from Daisy, I also have Personality B - Let's call her Delilah.
Delilah is smart and conscientious and focused. She's also tremendously practical. She wants to live in a house and drive a new car and live a structured, stable life. She forces me to scour the employment ads every day and apply for positions I know I will hate. She has insufferable anxiety attacks when she thinks about paying back student loans or being almost 30 years old and still living below poverty.
How in the world am I supposed to get these two sides of myself to coexist, to work together to make me a true DYNAMO of a woman?
The struggle has got to stop.
***
By the way, not only do I believe I have a split personality, as a child I had an imaginary friend named Coke.
Coke.
You judge for yourself the soundness of my mind.
3 comments:
Who am I talking to now?
I think you just need to figure out who's strengths to use when. You can't have Daisy run your money decisions, and you can't have Delilah rule your career decisions. But once you've used Daisy's creative inspiration to get going on a book you have to use Delilah's work ethic to see it through. Two minds are better than one, but they can't micro manage each other. There's got to be some trust there.
Dog I so feel you. We need to talk. Hope all is ok... We will live happy fulfilling lives! I hope!!!
Jesus. I killed my Delilah a while back.... and then again, and again recently. They always come back.
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