Self-Discipline

I simply cannot do things that take self-discipline.



It's almost impossible.

If I have a chunk of free time (anywhere from an hour up to several months), and I have work I should be doing, I will instead wile away the hours doing the most indulgent and sometimes innane activities.

For example:








If I have to do something, even if it's a relatively enjoyable task like writing a chapter for my novel, it's a surefire guarantee that when sit down to do the work, I will experience deep and virulent animosity boiling within.






I am not sure why it's so difficult to just complete something, but I'm starting to think this is a terrible malady for someone who wants to finish writing a novel.

Novels are big.

They take a crap load of work.



I'm concerned that I am a seriously lazy person.






Some people seem to have an abundance of spirit and passion for things.





People like this take iniative, start projects and finish them with no external pressure.

I thrive on external pressure.

If I am given a deadline, I will work hard. But if left to my own devices, it seems I would rather relax and avoid responsibility of any kind.






I say all this because I just squandered my last two days off. I can't even remember what I've done these last couple days. I can tell you what I was supposed to do though.

1. Start my novel rewrite
2. Grade student essays
3. Write a book curriculum
4. Do laundry
5. Clean my room, living room, bathroom
6. Read lots of useful literature that will help improve my writing



This is distressing me.

The fire monster of aversion is more or less eviscerating me.





I can't just relax and FEEL relaxed. I relax and feel extreme guilt for not doing something productive.

I think I need more structure in my life!



Structure, baby! STRUCTURE.

How do I go about doing this?